Fear not, Gentle Writer, Mrs. Grammar Person will not abandon you, despite the fact that it is the busiest time of year and she hasn't finished making her cookies. Nay, Mrs. G.P. knows that if grammarians don't remain vigilant and make every effort to ensure clear communication, then civilization will surely fall. And, while many civilized people prefer to use the word insure instead of ensure, Mrs. G.P. assures us that ensure is preferable, unless, of course, you sell insurance.
As it is the season for childlike wonder, Mrs. G.P. stops to wonder
why childlike connotes a return to
happier times, while childish is an
insult used for adults who embody the worst aspects of childhood, such as whining,
tattling, or tantrums. This is indeed a mystery, one that we don't have the capability to solve, although we surely have
the ability to use both words
correctly. The words ability and capability are often used
interchangeably, but are not the same. Capability
usually means extremes of ability
or potential ability, while ability refers
to a current level of achievement or skill. Likewise, the word capacity may refer to a talent one was
born with, while ability is a skill one
must learn. Isn't it addictive to
learn the nuances of grammar and word usage? Some would say it's addicting, and although Mrs. G.P. would applaud
the sentiment, she would disagree with the word choice.
Not wanting to start an
argument, our favorite grammarian would defuse
the situation by offering the person one of her addictive home-baked delicacies. Her only wish is for good grammar
to be diffused across the land, but,
if she cannot have good grammar, she will settle for good cheer, especially during
holiday time.
Speaking of time, Mrs.
Grammar Person always spends some time
answering e-mails from her devoted fans, as well as those from sometime grammarians, whom she refers to
as dabblers. It has been some time
since Mrs. G.P. received such an e-mail, but it did happen again sometime yesterday. This particular
dabbler proclaimed there to be no difference between the words, everyday and every day and challenged Mrs. G.P. to prove otherwise. Always up to
a challenge, our favorite phonetic fanatic rolled up her metaphorical sleeves
and wrote:
My Dear Sir,
It is not an everyday (ordinary, daily) occurrence for me to receive a
request such as yours. If it
happened every day, then I would have
no
time for my baking. Everyday is an adjective, while every
day is an
adjective followed by a noun. Whenever you are unsure as to which
form to use, may I suggest that you substitute
each day and, if that
makes sense, then every day is the correct choice.
All the best,
Mrs. Grammar Person
As
you might imagine, Mrs. G.P. has heard nothing further from him, not even a thank-you, but, no matter, she has
much to prepare and her mind wanders farther
from the rules of grammar than she would care to admit. She must choose between baking and wrapping gifts, but since
decisiveness is among her many
talents, she bustles off to wrap gifts.
To her consternation, she notes that the pajamas she bought for her
niece are marked inflammable but that
the incense she bought for her yogi is marked flammable. What unnecessary confusion! To clarify, Mrs. G.P. writes
identical cards to attach to the packages. The cards make it clear that each
gift will catch fire quite easily.
Exhausted
from so much activity, Mrs. Grammar Person sinks into an overstuffed chaise
lounge in her drawing room. Her furniture is a soothing rose color because chintz
makes her dizzy. She is startled to hear the doorbell ring and, flustered,
she rushes to answer it. Who is it, but her new friend, Mr. Syntax, holding a
bottle of champagne wrapped with a bow. With a broad smile and a happy glow,
our favorite grammarian invites him in.
"I hope you'll pardon the
intrusion," the gentleman says, shyly. "But I was in the neighborhood
and wanted to bring you a holiday gift. Something as bubbly as you are."
Mrs. G.P. notices that this is no
ordinary champagne, but, in fact, the most expensive French variety. She hesitates to take the bottle.
"But, Mr. Syntax, I cannot
accept something so valuable. It's
too much…"
Looking crestfallen, Mr. Syntax
replies, "Mrs. G.P., I consider your friendship invaluable and this is but a token of my appreciation." He
looks so sad that even his moustache droops.
Our favorite grammarian has an idea.
"I cannot accept this expensive gift, but I am happy to drink it with
you."
"Brilliant!" he replies,
bouncing back to his old self. He pops the cork while she fetches the champagne
flutes.
They sit next to each other in front of the fire crackling on the hearth.
"To a beautiful friendship!"
says Mr. Syntax, raising his glass.
"To a wonderful new
friend!" says Mrs. Grammar Person. Glasses clink and delicate champagne bubbles
float away, right into the new year.
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