Family Ties :-)

My husband grew up in a small town in Tasmania where almost everyone was related by blood or marriage. As a transplant from another country, he wasn't related to anyone, but was soon accepted into this big, messy, close-knit family of a town that he would later name our son after. (To clarify, we named our son Scott, not Scottsdale. With a surname of twelve letters, the poor kid didn't need a first name with ten more.)

Although I, too, come from a big extended family, I couldn't imagine one that encompassed an entire town. It sounded wonderful. In my mind they were always cheerful and happy to be together, watching each other's children, bringing each other casseroles, and never having to plan family reunions because they lived in one.

Apparently, it wasn't like that. They were just regular people with regular problems who had their share of illness, addiction, sad stories, and squabbles. I was so disappointed to hear it. Surely, there was something special about this inter-related town? It turns out there was. When anyone had a problem, word quickly spread through the family grapevine. If you fell, someone would pick you up, if you were hungry, they would feed you, and if you were feeling down, they would sit with you. Ah, that's more like it! If only we could all live in a town like that.

In my first year as a lawyer, we hired a law clerk named Mindy who was engaged to be married. When Mindy's future mother-in-law Sondra asked who she worked with Mindy mentioned my name. Sondra said she had attended my wedding. After Mindy picked her jaw up off the floor she learned that Sondra was my mother's second cousin, that their grandfathers had been brothers. The next day, Mindy brought her fiancé to work so she could introduce me to my third cousin, a new lawyer himself who looked like he could be my brother--if I had a brother. It was surreal. Now, whenever I have an immigration question I call him up and say "Hey Cuz, got a minute?" He and Mindy broke up but he will always be my cousin.

My mother loved to host huge Thanksgiving dinners at our home in Florida and invite all the relatives. One year, my great-uncle Al, a widower in his 70's who had just remarried, brought his new wife Diana to dinner. As he was introducing her, he said, "Diana, I want you to meet someone from Connecticut." She replied, "I only know one person from Connecticut--Harry Sugarman." To which my other great-uncle replied, "I'm Harry Sugarman!" It turned out that Diana and Harry had dated fifty years ago. In other words, my grandmother's brother married a woman who had dated my grandfather's brother and they reunited by chance in a different state half a century later. The odds of that happening seemed astronomical, but were they really? If we reached out to strangers and asked enough questions, wouldn't we ultimately find a connection?

After my father died, his cousin provided some family history that we were unaware of. He told us that when my great-grandfather immigrated to the United States in 1885, his brother went to Africa and they never saw each other again. So, I may have family in Africa too.

In the end, we are all like the baby bird in that Dr. Seuss book who goes around asking everyone: "Are you my mother?' But instead we should be asking: "Are you my brother?" The answer to that question is yes.

Crazy Hobbies :-)

My dad inspired several of my stories. He loved this essay so much that he asked me to read it at his funeral, which I did, last Saturday. Art was one-of-a-kind and if you were lucky enough to know him, or own one of his masterpieces, then you were lucky indeed.  

**********************************************************************************

                                                       CRAZY HOBBIES

           You think your childhood was normal, even now, when you should know better. The truth is that each family enjoys its own special brand of kookiness, including yours. Of course, I’m not talking about the people who end up on reality TV buried under all the stuff they couldn’t bear to part with. I’m talking about people who keep the “fun” in dysfunctional, the ones whose little idiosyncrasies provide great stories at Thanksgiving.  

In our family, we had a fondness for hobbies.  Actually, we didn’t but my dad did. And it was much more than a fondness, it was more like an all-consuming mind-boggling eye-popping breathtaking overwhelming single-minded focus. But even with all that, he didn’t forget about his children, no sir. We were all pulled into the vortex with him…

The first thing I remember is crouching down on our living room floor, immersed in a sea of coins, looking for rare pennies. In the beginning, my sisters and I had a great time rolling around in those thousands of pennies, throwing them at each other and cascading them from high in the air. But when our dad asked us to sift through them and separate them into groups according to their imprint dates, the fun was over. Now, before you start wondering if child services or the Labor Department had to get involved, let me just say-it wasn’t like that. Far from running his own sweat shop, my dad wanted us to love coin-collecting. He gave each of us a penny collection book with empty slots for every year, including the rare pennies, and then tried to make a game out of it. And it might have worked too, if only we could have paced ourselves, but our dad only has one speed and that’s full-speed ahead.  

From pennies, he went on to nickels, dimes, quarters and JFK half-dollars. He started storing bags of coins in our closets for when we “had time to look through them” (they may still be there). He dragged us to coin shows and coin stores all over town. He bought necklaces made from rare coins and gave them to my mother for special occasions. She would smile and thank him and then put them away. She may have even worn them to humor him because, even though we were all tired of coin-collecting, nobody wanted to squelch my dad’s enthusiasm. His quest for rare coins made him so happy. That is, until he discovered stamp-collecting. 

Rather than bore you with the details, let’s just say it was very much like coin-collecting only a lot easier to lug around. This time, he gave each of us a beginner’s book for collecting stamps and we soon graduated to having our own individual country. For some reason, I chose the Vatican, although I can’t imagine why. Their stamps weren’t pretty, just a bunch of popes. And it’s not even my religion…go figure.

While I don’t remember the rest of the hobbies in chronological order, I do know that they went from small to large, from being contained in our basement to taking over our house and yard. There was jewelry-making, which was kind of fun for us because we didn’t have to participate, and because we could always create a last-minute, unique birthday gift for a friend from the tons of beads, stones and materials my dad kept on hand. Then there was the “miniature” phase during which my dad furnished an entire miniature Victorian mansion from top to bottom (it was much nicer than our house), as well as assembled a miniature greenhouse with real plants in tiny pots. Ironically, it was the miniature greenhouse that led to my dad’s most expansive, most labor-intensive and most annoying hobby of all: cactus.

I can almost hear them groaning as they read this, our friends and family who were dragged into the dangerous and dirty world of cactus. I don’t mean to make it sound exciting, as if it involved espionage or working for the mob; it was literally dangerous and dirty. 

After purchasing one small cactus garden at K-Mart, my dad went on to fill the entire back yard with every kind of cactus and succulent known to man, building two greenhouses to house them all. To this day, I cannot explain it. They were the ugliest plants I ever saw, even when they bloomed. And they were everywhere:  every windowsill, every table and every empty spot in the yard. We could have lived with all of that (and, in fact, we did), if it hadn’t been for the dreaded… plant shows  

Several times a year, plant enthusiasts gather at weekend plant shows, ostensibly to sell their wares but, in reality, to schmooze & steal each other’s ideas. Not only was it  unbearably hot (the shows were outside, in Florida), but each show necessitated renting a truck and recruiting many helpers to gingerly pack up dozens of blood-thirsty cacti, knowing full well they would be packing them up again at the end of the show. This torture went on for years and only ended because my mother insisted they sell the house and move to a condo. I only hope the new owners never walked barefoot in the backyard…

Which brings me to the present and the wacky world of metal chickens. Although he was sad about razing his greenhouses, my dad quickly recovered and started taking art lessons twice a week. After painting dozens of oil and acrylic landscapes, still life pictures, portraits and abstracts, he switched from painting canvas to painting metal art.  Often using whimsical colors, he has painted hundreds of pieces including animals, insects, statutes of people, and some pieces that are so weird they defy description. My dad is quite prolific and generously donates many pieces to my favorite non-profit for their raffles. As a result, everyone I know owns a piece of Art (also my dad’s name).

Now I know that my childhood wasn’t typical, but, really, whose is? Although I often felt like the Karate Kid did when Mr. Miyagi gave him seemingly pointless chores, maybe I too learned something valuable.  And while I don’t have any crazy hobbies, I am enthusiastic about each task I undertake and give it all I’ve got. And for that, I guess I should say: “Thanks Dad!”

***This an excerpt from my book, "Quirky Essays for Quirky People"

Quirky Essays on free promo :-)

Are you having a bad day? Then my award-winning (!) humorous book "Quirky Essays for Quirky People" is just what the doctor ordered--and it's on free promo from 8/4-8/8! Check it out here:

Link:  https://www.amazon.com/Quirky-Essays-People-Complete-Collection-ebook/dp/B00KC7BNNY/ref=sr_1_13?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1501872885&sr=1-13&keywords=barbara+Venkataraman

Blurb:

For the first time, all in one place, the award-winning books, "A Trip to the Hardware Store & Other Calamities," and "I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course," PLUS seven bonus essays. What a collection! If this doesn't make you smile, then you're not even trying.

"A Trip to the Hardware Store"
These humorous essays explore such quirky topics as: disastrous home repairs, ("A Trip to the Hardware Store"), an unfortunate dinner party ("Dinner is Served"), the truth about lazy people ("Lazy Bones"), the weird life of a debt collector ("Your Account is Past Due") and obsessions with gadgets ("Gadget Girl"). Other essays examine how surreal the aging process is ("Where Did the Time Go?"), why you shouldn't judge a person by their job ("Beyond Belief"), and how to complicate simple transactions ("High Finance"). 

"I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course"
A collection of humorous insights into important topics ranging from annoying pet people ("I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course"), to analyzing your inner child ("Irrational Fears"), to living like the Amish in the aftermath of a hurricane ("A Jolt of Electricity"). Other essays examine just how much damage can be caused by a sneeze ("It All Started with a Loud Sneeze"), why it is so complicated to buy a tube of toothpaste ("Ask Me No Questions"), how a parent's obsessive hobbies can become an inescapable vortex ("Crazy Hobbies"), and why spending the night in a sleep clinic is like being abducted by probing aliens ("Nightmare at the Sleep Clinic").

If you don't see yourself in each of these entertaining essays, then I'm not talking about you, of course.

Let them eat cake! :-)

Of all the hobbies I've attempted the one I excelled at the least was cake-decorating. I had taken a class with my friend Cindy who, of course, turned out to be a natural--brilliant with buttercream, a Michelangelo of fondant flowers. Although I tried and tried to pay attention in class, my roses flopped over, my crumb layer was uneven and my frosting palette looked like a psychedelic album cover from the 60's. By the end of class I had more frosting in my hair than on the cake, in vivid streaks of neon green and screaming purple. Twenty years before people dyed their hair like that on purpose I was a trend-setter. I forgot to mention the homework, LOTS of homework, namely, baking a cake hours in advance so it would be cool enough to frost in class.

By all measurable standards I was a failure, although there is one person who wouldn't agree. Not my teacher, he knew I was hopeless. No, it was my wonderful husband, who forced himself to stay awake until I came home from class so he could "help" me into the house with my Frankenstein cake. He praised each of my creations as if it were a Monet instead of Picasso in his Cubist phase before shyly asking if he could have a piece. He LOVED my cake-decorating class.

I've since given away all the tools I bought for that class keeping only the cake container I used to transport the cakes back and forth. I remembered the teacher telling us about elaborate wedding cakes he'd created and how he prayed on the way to deliver them that they wouldn't fall over. Likewise, when I had a cake perched on the back seat, I drove like a little old lady on her way to church, barely hitting the gas, stopping carefully at each red light, nervously checking my precious cargo through the rear-view mirror. As a result I've become a more understanding driver, inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt instead of laying on the horn. Now, when I'm stuck behind a slow driver, I just smile to myself and think they must have a cake in the backseat. And maybe if I'm extra nice they'll give me a piece.  

The Return of Gadget Girl! :-)

As some of you may recall, I used to be Gadget Girl, a person so enamored of the latest kitchen gadgets that I had to have them all. Unfortunately, I had conveniently forgotten the second law of physics--that two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. When I couldn't open my kitchen drawers because they were stuffed to capacity I had to part with my dear ones and simplify my life. 

But the siren's call of new gadgets soon lured me in again. First, I convinced myself that I had to have a battery-operated hands-free can opener because of my sore thumb. Then I had to have a Spiralizer because it was fun and it made zucchini so much more appealing. One thing led to another and soon I couldn't open my drawers again. Maybe I can start hanging gadgets on the wall, like the tools in the garage. I'll get started on that right away, but first, I'm going to need a new drill! :-)

Check out the original Gadget Girl essay below. For more (cheap) laughs, check out my book: Quirky Essays for Quirky People: The Complete Collection, available on Amazon as an e-book and audio-book, narrated by the wonderful Carrie Lee Martz.

https://www.amazon.com/Quirky-Essays-People-Complete-Collection-ebook/dp/B00KC7BNNY/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&qid=1493130053&sr=8-11&keywords=barbara+venkataraman

GADGET GIRL            

If the opposite of “hoarder” is a person who despises clutter, knick-knacks, gewgaws and tchotchkes, then I am that person, with one notable exception. Although I worship Minimalism as a philosophy, and also as a house-cleaning technique, I admit I have a weakness: I love gadgets–specifically, kitchen gadgets. I can’t help it. While I can easily ignore the siren call of an infomercial (Seal in flavor! Juice it! Grill away fat!) and I’ve never purchased a Ginsu knife (who wants to cut their sneakers in half?), I just can’t resist a cool gadget. Maybe it’s the way they solve problems I didn’t know I had, but my online dictionary got it right, a gadget really is an “ingenious device.”
            

Let’s start low-tech with the apple slicer. Now, tell me this: who wouldn’t enjoy eating a crisp Fuji, Gala or Granny Smith apple cut into eight perfectly symmetrical slices? Nobody, that’s who. When Eve took a bite of her first apple, she had to be wondering, “Isn’t there an easier way to eat this thing?” She would have appreciated the apple slicer.
 

Of course, if you want to bake your apple, you should put away the slicer and take out your apple corer. Once that pesky core is gone, you can fill your apple with yummy deliciousness like honey, raisins & cinnamon, and then top it off with vanilla ice cream when it's baked. See what you’ve been missing? Luckily, both of these gadgets are inexpensive and fit neatly in your kitchen drawer.

Things start to get tricky if you’re a garlic-lover, and honestly, who isn’t? The first gadget you’ll need is a garlic keeper so your garlic stays fresh as a daisy, er, just fresh. Next up, you’ll want to buy a garlic roaster because-- what’s the point of eating fresh-baked, crusty bread if there’s no roasted garlic to spread on it? You’ll need only a few more gadgets to complete your set: a garlic peeler, a garlic press, a garlic slicer, a garlic dicer and a magic soap bar made of stainless steel to take away the garlic smell. Personally, I enjoy the smell of garlic. I’d like to create a garlic perfume called “Delicioso.” A light spritz would make you smell like a world-class chef and, in the event of a culinary crisis, you could also spray it on your food. All of these gadgets are essential, but don’t worry, they won’t take up much space, only half of a kitchen drawer.

Since you still have some room in the drawer, you should consider adding these beauties: a tomato stem remover, a corn stripper, a lemon zester, a grapefruit segmenter, an herb snipper with a stem stripper, an avocado slicer, a strawberry huller, a cherry pitter, an olive stuffer, a ravioli stamper, a calzone mold, and my absolute favorite, an egg-cuber, so you can make square hard-boiled eggs that won’t roll off your plate. Genius!

Now that your drawer is full, let’s talk about the fun stuff. You can’t live without a Popsicle maker if you have kids--that’s a fact–and you just can’t beat the smell of fresh bread wafting from your automatic bread maker.  If you pour the ingredients in at night and set the timer, you’ll be dreaming you live in a bakery as you bake fresh bread in your sleep. If you’re health-conscious, then an electric yogurt-maker is perfect for you, and you can always beat the summer heat with your electric ice-cream maker. Think of the exotic flavors you could invent, like bourbon with cornflakes, or candied bacon--you can’t find those in the store! And how about those fancy Paninis you can make with your Panini Press?

But we aren’t done yet! Just think how much you’ll enjoy the gentle gurgle of seltzer water flowing from your Sodastream and the Belgian waffles you made in your waffle iron, not to mention the fries you fried in your Fry Daddy, the coffee you ground with your coffee grinder, the noodles spiraling out of your pasta maker and the perfectly prepped lettuce leaves shooting out of your salad spinner. When you’re done with all that, you can bathe in your chocolate fountain. Isn't life good?
 

You may be wondering where to put all of these amazing gadgets. It’s simple really, just get rid of your knick-knacks, gewgaws and tchotchkes, and any other useless clutter, like dishes, pots & pans, and all the food in your pantry, and you’ll have plenty of room for all this neat stuff. Enjoy!

Free audio-book download codes! :-)

Happy Fall! If you're in the mood to relax with some funny stories, then I have an audio-book download code for you! The first twenty people to message me will receive an audible download code for my award-winning book "Quirky Essays for Quirky People", narrated by the wonderful actress, Carrie Lee Martz. Don't forget that all of my books are available for free download on Kindle Unlimited. :-)

Quirky Essays for Quirky People:

For the first time, all in one place, the award-winning books A Trip to the Hardware Store & Other Calamities and I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course plus seven bonus essays. What a collection! If this doesn't make you smile, then you're not even trying.

A Trip to the Hardware Store

These humorous essays explore such quirky topics as: disastrous home repairs ("A Trip to the Hardware Store"), an unfortunate dinner party ("Dinner Is Served"), the truth about lazy people ("Lazy Bones"), the weird life of a debt collector ("Your Account Is Past Due"), and obsessions with gadgets ("Gadget Girl"). Other essays examine how surreal the aging process is ("Where Did the Time Go?"), why you shouldn't judge a person by his or her job ("Beyond Belief"), and how to complicate simple transactions ("High Finance").

I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course

A collection of humorous insights into important topics ranging from annoying pet people ("I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course") to analyzing your inner child ("Irrational Fears") to living like the Amish in the aftermath of a hurricane ("A Jolt of Electricity"). Other essays examine just how much damage a sneeze can cause ("It All Started with a Loud Sneeze"), why it is so complicated to buy a tube of toothpaste ("Ask Me No Questions"), how a parent's obsessive hobbies can become an inescapable vortex ("Crazy Hobbies"), and why spending the night in a sleep clinic is like being abducted by probing aliens ("Nightmare at the Sleep Clinic").

If you don't see yourself in each of these entertaining essays, then I'm not talking about you, of course.

https://www.amazon.com/Quirky-Essays-People-Complete-Collection/dp/B00S8O6UIG/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1475246739&sr=8-10&keywords=barbara+venkataraman

Audio-book giveaway! :-)

Do you need a laugh? Something to entertain you on your commute? I have just the thing--a free audio-book download of my award-winning book "Quirky Essays for Quirky People". Comment on this post with your e-mail and I will happily send you a download code for an audio-book.

Here's the link if you want to check it out: 

http://www.audible.com/pd/Bios-Memoirs/Quirky-Essays-for-Quirky-People-The-Complete-Collection-Audiobook/B00S7L2GEC/ref=a_search_c4_1_8_srTtl?qid=1472646842&sr=1-8

Here's the summary:

For the first time, all in one place, the award-winning books A Trip to the Hardware Store & Other Calamities and I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course plus seven bonus essays. What a collection! If this doesn't make you smile, then you're not even trying.

A Trip to the Hardware Store

These humorous essays explore such quirky topics as: disastrous home repairs ("A Trip to the Hardware Store"), an unfortunate dinner party ("Dinner Is Served"), the truth about lazy people ("Lazy Bones"), the weird life of a debt collector ("Your Account Is Past Due"), and obsessions with gadgets ("Gadget Girl"). Other essays examine how surreal the aging process is ("Where Did the Time Go?"), why you shouldn't judge a person by his or her job ("Beyond Belief"), and how to complicate simple transactions ("High Finance").

I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course

A collection of humorous insights into important topics ranging from annoying pet people ("I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course") to analyzing your inner child ("Irrational Fears") to living like the Amish in the aftermath of a hurricane ("A Jolt of Electricity"). Other essays examine just how much damage a sneeze can cause ("It All Started with a Loud Sneeze"), why it is so complicated to buy a tube of toothpaste ("Ask Me No Questions"), how a parent's obsessive hobbies can become an inescapable vortex ("Crazy Hobbies"), and why spending the night in a sleep clinic is like being abducted by probing aliens ("Nightmare at the Sleep Clinic").

If you don't see yourself in each of these entertaining essays, then I'm not talking about you, of course.

Check out this free book promo! Thru 5/22 only! :-)

Free E-book on Amazon thru 5/22 only! Check it out:


http://www.amazon.com/Quirky-Essays-People-Complete-Collection-ebook/dp/B00KC7BNNY/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1431953577&sr=8-9&keywords=barbara+venkataraman

Quirky Essays for Quirky People: The Complete Collection 

For the first time, all in one place, the award-winning books, "A Trip to the Hardware Store & Other Calamities," and "I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course," PLUS seven bonus essays. What a collection! If this doesn't make you smile, then you're not even trying. 

"A Trip to the Hardware Store" 
These humorous essays explore such quirky topics as: disastrous home repairs, ("A Trip to the Hardware Store"), an unfortunate dinner party ("Dinner is Served"), the truth about lazy people ("Lazy Bones"), the weird life of a debt collector ("Your Account is Past Due") and obsessions with gadgets ("Gadget Girl"). Other essays examine how surreal the aging process is ("Where Did the Time Go?"), why you shouldn't judge a person by their job ("Beyond Belief"), and how to complicate simple transactions ("High Finance"). 

"I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course" 
A collection of humorous insights into important topics ranging from annoying pet people ("I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course"), to analyzing your inner child ("Irrational Fears"), to living like the Amish in the aftermath of a hurricane ("A Jolt of Electricity"). Other essays examine just how much damage can be caused by a sneeze ("It All Started with a Loud Sneeze"), why it is so complicated to buy a tube of toothpaste ("Ask Me No Questions"), how a parent's obsessive hobbies can become an inescapable vortex ("Crazy Hobbies"), and why spending the night in a sleep clinic is like being abducted by probing aliens ("Nightmare at the Sleep Clinic"). 

If you don't see yourself in each of these entertaining essays, then I'm not talking about you, of course. 

Check out my free book promotion thru 3/11! :-)

Check out my free book promo on Amazon today thru March 11th. "I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course", Winner of the "Indie Book of the Day" award for June 7, 2014.

At 7,600 words, this work is a collection of humorous insights into important topics ranging from annoying pet people (“I’m Not Talking About You, Of Course”), to analyzing your inner child (“Irrational Fears”), to living like the Amish in the aftermath of a hurricane (“A Jolt of Electricity”). Other essays examine just how much damage can be caused by a sneeze (“It All Started with a Loud Sneeze”), why it is so complicated to buy a tube of toothpaste (“Ask Me No Questions”), how not to prepare dinner ("Martha, I Let You Down"), making new friends ("Friends in Low Places"), how a parent’s obsessive hobbies can become an inescapable vortex (“Crazy Hobbies”), and why spending the night in a sleep clinic is like being abducted by probing aliens (“Nightmare at the Sleep Clinic”).
If you don’t see yourself in each of these entertaining essays, then I’m not talking about you, of course.

http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Course-Quirky-Essays-People-ebook/dp/B00821JBBS/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1425748616&sr=8-9&keywords=barbara+Venkataraman

Free book promotion through Feb. 18th!

Check out my free book promotion on Amazon: "Quirky Essays for Quirky People: The Complete Collection"! :-)

http://www.amazon.com/Quirky-Essays-People-Complete-Collection-ebook/dp/B00KC7BNNY/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1423925701&sr=8-10&keywords=barbara+Venkataraman

For the first time, all in one place, the award-winning books, "A Trip to the Hardware Store & Other Calamities," and "I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course," PLUS seven bonus essays. What a collection! If this doesn't make you smile, then you're not even trying.

"A Trip to the Hardware Store"

These humorous essays explore such quirky topics as: disastrous home repairs, ("A Trip to the Hardware Store"), an unfortunate dinner party ("Dinner is Served"), the truth about lazy people ("Lazy Bones"), the weird life of a debt collector ("Your Account is Past Due") and obsessions with gadgets ("Gadget Girl"). Other essays examine how surreal the aging process is ("Where Did the Time Go?"), why you shouldn't judge a person by their job ("Beyond Belief"), and how to complicate simple transactions ("High Finance").

"I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course"

A collection of humorous insights into important topics ranging from annoying pet people ("I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course"), to analyzing your inner child ("Irrational Fears"), to living like the Amish in the aftermath of a hurricane ("A Jolt of Electricity"). Other essays examine just how much damage can be caused by a sneeze ("It All Started with a Loud Sneeze"), why it is so complicated to buy a tube of toothpaste ("Ask Me No Questions"), how a parent's obsessive hobbies can become an inescapable vortex ("Crazy Hobbies"), and why spending the night in a sleep clinic is like being abducted by probing aliens ("Nightmare at the Sleep Clinic").

If you don't see yourself in each of these entertaining essays, then I'm not talking about you, of course.

Three new audiobooks out!

The talented Carrie Lee Martz has been working hard in her recording studio and we now have three more audiobooks to show for it! "I'm Not Talking About You, Of Course," my award-winning book of humorous essays; "Quirky Essays for Quirky People: The Complete Collection", and a short story set in Louisiana, "If You'd Just Listened to Me in the First Place". All three are available on Amazon, Audible and iTunes. Listen to a sample, I'm betting you'll like them!

"Teatime with Mrs. Grammar Person"-now on Kindle!

Now available on Kindle, dear ones, your favorite grammarian, Mrs. Grammar Person, imparting her humor and wisdom for only 99 cents!


http://www.amazon.com/Teatime-Grammar-Person-Barbara-Venkataraman-ebook/dp/B00RUQY6B6/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1420653646&sr=8-6&keywords=barbara+venkataraman

Expert Advice From A Voiceover Actor

Please welcome Carrie Lee Martz, acclaimed actress, voiceover artist extraordinaire, and one of my favorite people! She is here today with advice on how to get started in the voiceover business. Enjoy!
http://www.carrieleemartz.com/blog/how-i-started-in-audiobooks-voiceover